This article is part of the Manager’s Guide series. To read other articles in this series, please go to the main blog page, click the filter button, and select the Manager’s Guide category.
Q: What should I do if I want to gain the confidence of an older person?
A: There are four things you should do, i.e.,
1. You Must Show Respect.
Do:
Really cared about other people.
Show you care.
Give everyone (regardless of their position) the respect they deserve.
Show respect to everyone, including those who can't help you.
Do small acts of kindness.
Don't:
Not care about other people or show any respect for them.
Fake caring: acting like you care when you don't.
Respecting or caring about some people (those who can help you) but not others (those who can't).
Try to be efficient when talking with other people.
Say:
I admire and respect you.
I'm glad we get to work together.
Thanks for everything you do.
You're awesome at...
One thing I like about you is...
What do you think?
How do you feel?
Tell us what you think.
You have a different view of things. I need to hear you out.
I respect your position/authority/ strong opinion on this.
2. You Must Listen Hard.
Do:
Pay attention.
Listen before you talk.
Know and figure out what's wrong.
Use your ears, eyes, and heart to listen.
Find out what the people you work with think are the most important things you can do.
Don't:
Talk first, then listen.
Not listen at all.
Think you know what's most important to other people.
Think you know everything or have all the answers.
Listening but not getting it.
Listening only to figure out what to say next.
Only caring about your own plans.
Pretending to listen.
Say:
What I think I hear you say is...
Let me make sure I understand what you're trying to say...
Let's figure out what the group is trying to say...
Is there anything else you would like to say?
You feel [[unhappy, energized, annoyed, discouraged, baffled, spiteful, angry, confused, surprised, unsure, excited, etc.]] about the [[content, topic, or meaning of what is being said]].
First, I want to understand your point of view, and then I'll explain mine.
3. You Must Get Things Done.
Do:
Create a proven record of accomplishment.
Do what has to be done. Get things done.
Complete the missions.
Deliver results on-time and within budget.
Don't:
Poor performance/failure to deliver.
Underpromise and overpromise.
Give justifications for failing to fulfill.
Delivering activities rather than outcomes/results.
Faking up work.
Working hard, but doing nothing productive.
Say:
What specific results do you want from us? How soon?
How will we know if we've done well?
What will happen as a result of this?
I promise to deliver... by [[the due date]].
This is what we said we would do, and it costs less than we planned.
We're all done. Did you expect something else?
Whatever it takes, we need to get these results.
Which one of these goals is most important?
4. You Must Continuously Improve.
Do:
Keep getting better.
Get better at what you can do.
Never stop learning.
Use both formal and informal channels for getting feedback.
Do something with the feedback you get.
Thank people for sharing their feedback.
Don't:
Deteriorate.
Become complacent/useless/irrelevant/out of date.
Think of yourself as better than feedback.
Assume that your today's knowledge and skills will be enough for the challenges and difficulties of tomorrow.
Making changes that are "hot" temporarily but don't last.
Always learning but never producing anything.
Talking a lot about how you want to get better but never doing it.
Trying to make everything fit into what you're good at.
Say:
Where can I get better?
How am I doing these days? Where can I get help?
What particular things (systems, structures, procedures) must we improve?
How are we currently doing?
What advantages would this improvement bring? What are the disadvantages of inaction?
How will we get consistent feedback?
How likely are you, on a scale of one to 10, to tell others about our product or service? Why?
We appreciate your feedback and will take action on it.