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Q: What should I do if I am misunderstood?
A: There are three things you should do, i.e.,
1. You Must Listen Hard.
Do:
Pay attention.
Listen before you talk.
Know and figure out what's wrong.
Use your ears, eyes, and heart to listen.
Find out what the people you work with think are the most important things you can do.
Don't:
Talk first, then listen.
Not listen at all.
Think you know what's most important to other people.
Think you know everything or have all the answers.
Listening but not getting it.
Listening only to figure out what to say next.
Only caring about your own plans.
Pretending to listen.
Say:
What I think I hear you say is...
Let me make sure I understand what you're trying to say...
Let's figure out what the group is trying to say...
Is there anything else you would like to say?
You feel [[unhappy, energized, annoyed, discouraged, baffled, spiteful, angry, confused, surprised, unsure, excited, etc.]] about the [[content, topic, or meaning of what is being said]].
First, I want to understand your point of view, and then I'll explain mine.
2. You Must Be Honest and Straight.
Do:
Be truthful. Tell the reality.
Be clear about your position.
Talk in plain words. Call things as they are.
Display integrity.
Don't:
Lie. Deceive.
Alter the truth. Withholding details. Influence people.
Use business jargon, avoidance tactics, double-talk, and flattery.
Twisting the truth (manipulating, positioning, and posing).
Create false impressions (by stating the facts, but in a misleading way).
Say:
This is how I see things...
This is something I really care about...
Here's what I think we should do...
As far as I can tell, these are the facts...
From my point of view...
I value our relationship and want to be honest with you...
I want to be candid with you...
Let me tell you what I've observed...
Here's what I've learned/understood...
3. You Must Promote Openness.
Do:
Be truthful in a manner that others can confirm for themselves.
State your intention.
Be sincere and honest.
Be honest and upfront.
Over-disclose everything if possible.
Be honest when you can't be transparent (for example, when the law or ethical standards forbid it).
Work under the guiding principle "what you see is what you get."
Don't:
Withhold knowledge, conceal it, cover it up, or obscure it.
Possessing hidden motives, secret intentions, or hidden goals.
Impersonating others and making things seem different from how they really are.
Pretending.
Appearing, as opposed to being.
Say:
My goal is...
My plan is...
I'm going to be honest and open about this.
This is who we are as a team...
What I want to happen is...
Here are the truths...
Here are the facts...
In case you disagree with me...
This is all I can say because of law and compliance issues...
Right now, things aren't going well.
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